Problems with self-esteem are often less about missing a pep talk and more about a persistent, harsh way of evaluating yourself. Shame, perfectionism, comparison, criticism, repeated experiences of not following through, or uncertainty about identity can all shape the standards you use to judge yourself.
You do not need to feel confident before you start acting differently.
How this shows up
People describe talking to themselves in a way they would not talk to anyone else; assuming other people are doing better; avoiding applications, conversations, or visible work because the verdict might confirm what they already fear; needing to perform at a high level in order to feel barely acceptable; or having difficulty speaking up in relationships because you distrust your own judgment or assume your needs matter less.
Some of this is learned. Some of it is maintained by the very strategies used to cope with it: hiding, over-preparing, not trying, or only trying where success is guaranteed.
ADHD, depression, anxiety, and faith or identity transitions can all feed this. If one of those is the main problem, start there. This page is for people whose main concern is the way they see and treat themselves.
What we can work on
We can look at where those standards came from, what keeps them in place, how accurate they are, and what they cost you. It can also involve doing things you have been avoiding and learning from what actually happens rather than treating the outcome you fear as inevitable.
We work on seeing yourself more accurately, treating yourself less harshly, and acting without waiting to feel confident first.
I work with adults and older teens, generally age 16 and up, in individual therapy.
Practical information
In person in Edmonton and virtually throughout Alberta. 50-minute sessions. $235 per session. Direct billing is available with many extended-health insurance providers depending on your plan.
